Creaking Back Still

Ugh, I'm so rusty, rusty, rusty, and I even fell off the wagon yesterday after only two days, and it's 12:34 right now, which means it's technically tomorrow already, and the truth is I really don't know what to write about. It's not because I can't write--it's because I have been writing, but not about me, and I'm just not in that zone right now, and I feel like my brain can only do so much writing in one day, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I do think that part of the way I am feeling is because I let myself slide so far off the path, and I am hoping that if I claw my way back on, tooth and nail, I'll find my way again.

So what to say? For one, tomorrow I will write my sevenhundredfiftywords during daylight hours, that is for sure. I guess I have been thinking all day long about the concept of balance. The last few days have been such a mix for me of real, down-in-the-trenches physical work and real, down-in-the-trenches intellectual work, and I feel like a heightened version of myself, if that makes any sense, sort of like I am operating--at least for this short spell--at a greater capacity than I usually do.

Although I am explaining this in such an awkward, knuckleheaded way, this is a good thing. As you may know, I have a bit of a hang-up about how lazy people are--of course I mostly mean me, but I also mean people in general. We use such a small part of ourselves, I fear, and I worry that it is not just a myth that we shut down even more parts of ourselves as we age, narrowing our interests and activities to a safe and shopworn few. Or at least it seems to me that lots of us do.

So when I have a long two days that involve painting a room and weeding a garden and hauling furniture, as well as an intense conversation with a mentor about early childhood education and research into a corner of history I'm realizing I've always neglected and writing for hours in that rare way that makes me forget about time, I defy these fears, show myself that I don't have to be complacent and predictable. There is also something, I think, to the notion that humans need a balance of the body and mind--that is where I started, and I see now I went off on a tangent about laziness, but both points are valid, and not unrelated.

See? I'm out of practice. But with a little luck, tomorrow will be just a smidgen easier.